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I sometimes forget that iapos;m not the only person.i always just figure everything exsists because i want it to.i forget that other people have little sisters and parents,and that they get in trouble,and that they have houses,each with shower curtains and bath mats and toothbrushes.and everybody cries and laughes and sleeps and has nightmares and goes on family trips and has pets and paints their nails and listens to music and runs and breathes and all of that.

i just keep thinking iapos;m the only one.
i should stop,i suppose.

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Good Things: Allan is nice. We have made the washing machine work properly. I have bought nice things with the Amazon vouchers my colleagues gave me as a goodbye present. The other postgraduates are fun and mad.

Bad Things: Driving 12 miles to Durham and back every day is tiring and expensive. I still do not know what to do about this thing with Allanapos;s benefits being taken away, I donapos;t know what to do, or where to look for the information and no-one will tell me. I feel guilty and frustrated. I miss everyone.
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I will admit to being honestly scared by the current global financial mess.�� I�donapos;t know if its just my current nerviness and skittishness or just the way its just completely out of our hands and we have no way of knowing where this will go. Or what day to day effect it may have on us (since I get the feeling the world as we knew it may have changed radically, and that global feeling we had will suddenly get a whole lot more local again) -� but I get a sick feeling whenever I think of how this may effect my boy in the coming years and how little I may be able to protect him from it.

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So Wednesday night Jessica and I spent the night at Jeffapos;s house.
All of Wednesday we hung out with Keenan, Jeff, Leanna, Kilo, and Dillon.
It was so much fun
We watched movies and we watched family guy.
It was an eventful day.
Earlier that day Jessica and I bought 11 tacos. Then we stole some rave kicks at Value Village.
Thursday morning we woke up and left when Jeff and Dillon went to school.
We walked to Jacobapos;s house after buying donuts and McDonaldapos;s.
We saved half a breakfast for Jacob and showed up in his house.
At 8:30 am Jacob hooked up a dub from Vickland, so we smoked
We smoked all day
Later, Jessica and Danielle bought a 60 sack.
We smoked that night with Jacob, Zerrah, Stuffles, Janine, Collin, Parker, Kilo, Leanna, and Danielle.
Then everyone left and Jessica, Danielle, and I spent the night at Jacobs.
This morning Zerrahapos;s 2 friendapos;s came over and matched bowls.
We went to Danielleapos;s for stoner munchie foods.
Then we went to smoke in a park and headed downtown Kirkland.
The 60 sack is gone.
Weapos;ve been stoned for over 24 hours straight.

Today weapos;re having a movie night at Keenanapos;s.
Then later tonight weapos;re going to a party.

This weekend is fucking awesome

~JAPAN
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Itapos;s strange, but I donapos;t feel like going home this weekend.

We went speed dating for big sisters last night, and hopefully I get Miss Emily Anastasia. If not my other choices very nice also. :)

Nothing really going on... I have a busy week the week after next, but if I just do things right this weekend and set myself up for it, Iapos;ll be fine. Only time will tell if that can actually happen.

French was cancelled today, which was great. 2nd cancelled class (overall) of the semester. It just didnapos;t happen this often last year, so Iapos;m excited.

I officially love my friends and I also feel like Iapos;m finally branching out and making more, albeit slowly. But thatapos;s okay.

There are so many movies I want to see but I have no one to see them with right now. Very annoying. Also some concerts, but theyapos;re all in Boston anyway so I donapos;t know if itapos;s worth it. One that seems interesting is Conor Oberst, who is coming the day after election day. It would be a rush of emotion, good or bad, depending on who wins. Or so it seems to me. Maybe he doesnapos;t care as much as I think he does. Also The Hold Steady, who Iapos;m becoming quite attached to, will be around if they donapos;t continue cancelling their tour. And Iapos;m keeping my eyes on the Mountain Goats site for more "TBA" tour dates to go up. That I will go to no matter what because I love him. <333

So thereapos;s a ramble. Now Iapos;m gonna take a nap because Iapos;m still on negative time from being out of lab early.
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I woke up one morning, and it was gone. When I had gone to sleep, it had still been there. When with a shudder�I had�slotted myself into the lecture theatre benches�the day before it had been there, wriggling behind my ear, tapping my skull to the rhythm of doubt. In tesco, hiding in the freezers and among the soup tins it had tiptoed in and out of my periforal vision, winking if my gaze lingered too long and mouthing truths I did not want to know.
It has gone now. I donapos;t think I want it back; I will not miss it, I never asked for it, but it was there- all my life it has been there. Yes, so it has changed shape; grown, matured, got a new hairdo, smart jeans the like- but the wink is the same; the tap tap tapping that tells me something is wrong, something is missing, something needs to be done.
Tap, tap, tap...� tap.

But its gone now, so�Iapos;m going for a drink.
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I love how I only type on LJ when I do something whore-ish or when Iapos;m angry. Hah.

Anyway, moving on to my latest rant:

At a friendapos;s house, talking to my gay love, Drue. I was telling him that in Jamaica we have big parties for when kids turn 16 and 21. He was saying that they do that here too, but before I got the chance to explain that I wasnapos;t talking about getting fucked up and partying because you can finally legally drink (the drinking age in Jamaica is 18... Not 21), but instead 21 is like having a second sweet 16 (itapos;s more of a formal party) Dom cuts me off and says "shut up" because he assumed that Drue shot down my point. So I gave him the middle finger and continue talking to Drue, explaining my point, but then Dom just starts to hold his hand up to my face. So I swat at his hand, but he moved it too quickly so I missede, and then he started to tease me. So I told him that I was annoyed because itapos;s a pet peeve of mine when people tell me to shut up. He then proceeded to come up to me and try and joke around with me. I start scratching my neck and he teased me about that too and I tell him, straight up, "this is me trying not to hit you". I was so completely serious that Drue started to tell him to leave me alone. I was pissed as fuck and Dom was touching me and teasing me. I had even started up a mini-chant of "Donapos;t touch me, leave me alone, donapos;t talk to me," etc. It got to the point where there were literally tears of frustration building in my eyes because all I wanted to do was SCREAM at him. In the end, I just made a hasty, slightly rude exit, haha, ah well.

The thing is, part of it is him acting like a 10 year old, and part if it is that I have no tolerance for him. You know how some people make you angry so often that you just default to anger when theyapos;re around? Itapos;s kinda like that. I dunno, maybe itapos;s just me, but I think telling someone to shut up is rude, and rudeness is possibly my number one pet peeve. Closely followed by ignorance, btw.

Do not, and I mean DO NOT, tell me to shut up when Iapos;m talking. I donapos;t give a fuck whether my point is valid or not, donapos;t say it. Further more, when Iapos;m clearly angry, do not continue to goad and tease me because I have no problem blowing up in your face and telling you that youapos;re an irritating asshole with the mentality of a 10 year old. I was soooo unbelievably angry and he was seriously teasing me in order to "calm me down"... I just wanted to yell, "You fucking idiot, if you want me calm, FUCKING APOLOGIZE AND THEN MOVE THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME"


Ok... Now that Iapos;m done with that...

Sorry for this rant, hah
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